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  • Amy Bailey

Giving in or proving them wrong

Whilst you may have heard this time and time again throughout the past couple of months, I'm going to reiterate the same message: trying to be a creative in the current climate is bloody difficult at the moment.


Whether it be designing a new product, producing music, or, like myself, writing content, it seems that COVID-19 has not only taken our freedom (cheers to lockdown 2.0) but our sense of creativity too.


And if I'm being totally honest here, self-motivation hasn't always come naturally to me at the best of times. Whilst I do pride myself on having a very productive and hard-working attitude in life, I do often feel as though I cannot celebrate my successes and achievements 'properly' unless I have the validation of others.


*You might be thinking, "but didn't she just write a blog post on how to stop seeking validation off others"? Yes haha, I did. But in a world where everything is so uncertain and the craving of second-hand support is bigger than ever, I'm letting this be a slow process.*


Detaching myself from this 'I need second hand validation' mentality has been even harder since graduating from university in the Summer. Whilst I did all I could to prepare myself for this adult world, I can't help but feel like I'm drowning ever so slightly (I guess no one could prepare for graduating in a pandemic, huh). Of course, my friends and family are ever so supportive, but the lack of communication with a PT or easily accessible resources is more difficult of an adjustment than I imagined . And it's not as if I'm really desperate for this either, at least, I don't want to be. I wish for nothing more than to be that fiercely independent girl in her twenties who has complete control and isn't phased by the behaviours and comments (or lack of) that she see's online.


But is that anyone's reality?


Doesn't everyone get times where they're jealous that a person working in the same field received recognition for work when you didn't? Am I the only one that sometimes takes it personally when a person doesn't get in contact when they promised? And I refuse to believe I am alone in saying that there are days I'll compose an indirect tweet/IG caption when you feel under appreciated or not good enough.


Whilst more people may be guilty of the above than they admit, it is important to acknowledge the fact that we do not act on these impulses. We may get these thoughts that take over our brain and affect our mental health, but we have the mental strength to move past it. Trust me, even at my age, the temptation to sulk on social media or send that aggy message can try to get the better of me on some days. But before the message is sent and the quite frankly, pettiness, is unveiled, I remind myself of the bigger picture.


This constant battle for approval will one day fade, but it will only fade when we overcome these impulses. When we realise our success isn't measurable by our peers. When we realise we are not less of a person or less of a friend because of the number of likes and compliments we receive.


When we are confident within who we are, our talents and our achievements, we will then prove them, and ourselves, wrong X



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