Along with everyone else across the globe, the past few weeks has brought on a huge wave of emotions. What initially started off as a joke, meme and something the vast majority of us refused to take seriously is now taking over the world one country at a time. I fear for the people in my life, whether they are vulnerable or not, suffer from mental illnesses or not, losing their jobs or not. Whilst we are all in the same boat, it doesn't seem to make living in the unknown any less terrifying.
But given that I was only months away from the rest of my life I feel more than just fear.
I feel disappointment.
I am currently a third year student at University, and much like the current SAT, GCSE and A-Level students, I am disappointed, saddened and deflated.
Throughout the past three years I have been pushing myself, struggling, and at times debating whether to drop out. I have completed work and activities I never thought I'd have the balls to do, and I have spent more hours in a day completing assignments than I have sleeping. But in amongst this I have gained so much love, passion and confidence within an industry I thought'd I'd be graduating in this summer. Walking across the stage with my cap and gown. Something I thought was inevitable. Something that now seems impossible.
Don't get me wrong, I am so very aware that in the grand scheme of things this isn't a huge deal. As far as I'm aware my family, friends and I are healthy and we are in very fortunate positions, something I will never take for granted. But I'm not going to apologise for how this has made me feel.
It has only been a matter of days since receiving the email that University is closing, but within hours it became a ghost town. Not one last goodbye, no big night out, no celebrations, no nothing. In fact, the saddest part of the email was the line "we will try to organise some kind of online gathering at some point". Online. Some of my friends have understandably gone home to their families but god only knows when we'll see each other again, let alone when my whole course will be in the same room again. Despite the mental breakdowns, tears and headaches, university has been the best three years of my life and what...this is how it ends?
Like I said before, I know there are bigger things going on in the world right now and yes, I am aware how blessed I am to have experienced the opportunities I have up until now, but it doesn't really take the disappointment away. Not yet.
To all my friends in the same position as myself I hope you remain as positive and motivated as possible...
...because lets be real, just because we're working from home doesn't mean our dissertation deadline is going to be void does it :)